Before and After Marriage

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.

Damn funny must see!!

某美女, 决定下重金, 让自己瘦身. 花十几万元以后,她觉得非常满意!
A woman, decided to spend few millions to keep herself thin. and she like the result

　　回家路上, 在报摊, 买了份报纸, 找钱的时候, 她问老板：“不好意思, 你猜我几岁？”
Way home, on a paper shop, she brought a newspapaer and asked the shopkeeper how old am i?
　　老板说：32。
Shopkeeper said "32"
　　她好高兴：47啦！
She happy and said... 42 lah!
　　接着,她去麦当劳.问柜台的小姐同样的问题。
After that she went to Mcdonals and ask the counter girl the same question
　　小姐说：我猜29。
The gal said : 29
　　她好高兴: 不是, 47啦!
She happy and said... no.. 42 lah!
　　兴高采烈，她去街角的统一超市买包口香糖，忍不住又问那里的柜台小姐。　小姐说: 嗯, 我猜30。
She very happy and went to a supermarket,.. also asked the same question to the counter gal.... the gal answer 30
　　她好得意: 47, 谢谢!
She felt stratified and said.. 47. Thanks
　　等公车的时候，她又问旁边的老头。
On the bus stop .. she asked a old man about the same question
　　老头说：我78岁了，眼睛不好，看不出来。不过，年轻的时候有种方法可以确定。如果你让我把手伸进你的胸罩里，我绝对可以知道你的年纪！
Sorry.. my eye not good but i can touch your breast and know your answer.
　　半晌无声，空旷的大街上，她终于忍不住好奇：好吧!你试试看。
The woman without saying any word and agreed
　　老头把手伸入她的衬衫，又伸进她的胸罩，开始缓慢而仔细地摸索。
The old man slowly touch her breast
　　几分钟以后, 她说：好了，你猜我几岁？老头又捏了最后一下，把手拿出来。说：女士，你47岁。
After few minute... ok.. guess how old am i? The old man said,.. Erm.... 47!!
　　美女大吃一惊，惊讶的问: 好厉害! 你怎么知道的？
The woman shocked and said.. you memang hebat huh(amazing!).. how did you know!
　　“保证不生气？”
You not angry if i said?
　　“不生气! ”
No..
　　老头的回答让美女晕倒：......................
The old man said .... and the woman pengsan
==============================
　　老头说：在麦当劳, 我排你后面。
The old man said, when you are at Mcdonal i'm at you back when queuing..
==============================

擠大小弟弟[-18]

Enlarge little dick..

李察聽說東尼每到泳池游泳，都很受女性歡迎，便向東尼請教秘訣。
東尼說：「很簡單，我每次都在泳褲裡塞一個薯仔！」
李察決定效法。
三天之後，李察再找東尼說：「我照你的方法做，但女孩子見到我反而避開！」


東尼說：「我也聽到你的事了！下一次，你要把薯仔塞在前面，不要塞在後面！」

LeeCha knows DongNi was liked by many girls when swimming.. so he asked for any secret.
DongNi said : it's quite simple just put a potato in your pants!
LeeCha decided to try it out.

After Few days, Lee Cha told DongNi : I already followed your way but all the girl attempt to avoid me when saw me.

DongNi : I also heard this news... but next time put the potato infront of your pants.. not at the back!!


Oh ya.. Happy New Year!
Wow.. 2007 seems to past so fast... i already running this blog for about 1 year.
Just looking forward to 2008!

International Sex Education

"Daddy? How did I come into this world?"
「爹地，我是怎麼來到這世界的？」

"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you anyway."
「哦，兒子啊，總有一天我會讓你知道的。」

"So why not today? Please!"
「拜託！為什麼今天不行？」

"OK, but listen carefully."
「好吧，你仔細聽著！」

"Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe.
「你媽和我在網咖相遇而認識，

In the restrooms of that cyber cafe,dad connecte! d to mom.
並在網咖的洗手間你媽和我使用了超連結，

Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.
那時你媽從我的隨身插硬碟下載一些資料，

When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall.
當我完成上傳時，我們發現我們沒有使用防火牆，

Since it was too late to cancel or delete,
因此，想要取消或刪除都已為時太晚，

Dont let Malay Pigs saw this JokeS!

不能告诉马来人的笑话~


一天....一群马来人,一群英国人和一群美国人去爬山
到了山顶~英国人拿了一根香烟
吸不到1分钟就丢了...
马来人:你为什么那么浪费!?
英国人:没有办法啦,英国就是烟草多.
美国人又拿了一罐香水
喷了2下就丢下山了...
马来你为什么那么浪费?
美国人:没有办法了...我们那边香水多麻...
马来人生气地踢一个马来人去
美国人和英国人:你想死啊,踢他下去做什么!?
马来人:哈哈哈~你不知到??我们马来西亚就是马来人多咯~

English Version
One day, a group of Malays, Americans, and European went to climb mountain
When reached the top, A European took out a 'rokok' and smoke.
But not smoking until 1 minute he trow away the 'rokok' down the mountain

The Malay ask why you so waste?
The European answered.. no idea our country had too much 'rokok'

An American took out a fragrance(botol wangi) and used only 2 times.
He throw the fragrance down the mountain
The Malay ask again why you so waste?
The American answered.. no idea our country had too much fragrance..

The Malay was angry and throw another Malay down the mountain
The others asked What the hell are you doing?
The Malay just answered don't you know our country had too many Malay..?!!

Hope you like it..
Translated by DiXoN.. Only allowed to used on this blog. Copyright
Ask me if you need it.

耶穌不結婚的原因..（有点黄）

話說耶穌活到十八歲，還沒有交過任何女朋友，這時左鄰右舍的三姑六婆就跑到聖母瑪莉亞面前趨舌，說耶穌搞不好是個同性戀者，否則怎麼從來不見他和女人交往呢?

聖母瑪莉亞一聽大驚，問道要怎樣才能探出耶穌真正的性傾向，於是三姑六婆便給了她一個建議:找一個妓女來給耶穌送作堆，看看耶穌的反應，答案便能分曉。

於是聖母瑪莉亞當晚就找了一名妓女，把她和耶穌送進房間。

怎知過了沒有幾分鐘，就突然聽見那名妓女歇斯底里的大吼大叫，緊接著看她一手提著褲子，一手扯著頭法，鬼哭神豪的一路跑走了。
聖母瑪莉亞急勿勿的趕進耶穌的房間，問他到底發生了什麼事?

只見耶穌肩膀一聳，雙手一攤，很無姑的說:我怎麼知道，這個大姐姐一進來，往床上一躺，褲子一脫，雙腿一張，我看見她兩腿之間有一個傷口，於是我伸出手掌，輕輕一摸，就把她的傷口給癒合了!

笑话

Sorry, In Chinese language only.
I may post more English stuff in future

有一天，一個鄉下佬去美國看電影.....

有一天，一個鄉下佬去美國看電影。
買了票之後，走進電影院，可是過了一會，又氣呼呼走出來買了一張票，再走進電影院。
售票小姐覺得很奇怪,可是還是賣給他。
結果過了一分鐘，又見那個鄉下佬抓狂地走向售票口，再買了一張票。
這次售票小姐就問他說:「不是已經買了票嗎，幹嗎還要再買啊？」
鄉下佬很生氣的說:「我怎麼知道，每次我一走進電影院，就有一個小姐把我的票撕掉。真气人！」

看病

跟大家分享一个一点黄色的故事。。。。。。

一天小明有病就去看医生。
医生就问小明：“年轻人，怎么了？”
小明：“医生，我有病！”
医生：“什么病？”
小明：“我讲出来你不可以笑我哦！”
医生：“讲啦，我什么病没看过啊，怎么会笑你呢！”
小明：“真的不笑？”
医生：“我保证！”
小明：“医生，我的小鸡鸡有问题！”
于是小明就脱下裤让医生检查他的小鸡鸡。
医生看见他的小鸡鸡就有点想笑，因为他的小鸡鸡只像一粒玉蜀黍酱小。不过他还是没笑，因为答应小明了。
小明：“医生，我的小鸡鸡肿得很大个！今天最严重了！”
医生忍不了就笑了起来......!

也是一招 好笑

有一个妙龄女子深夜要回家，走在路上惊觉有一个男人在后面紧跟着她。
她走一步，他也走一步，跑，他也跟着跑。由于回家的路实在太偏僻了，

无街灯又无半个行人，妙龄女子深觉情况不妙……
最后经过一个墓园女子加快脚步，往坟墓堆里走去（那男的也跟了过
去）然后在墓碑上坐下深深的吐了一囗气，说道：“呼！终于到家了！”
那男的就跑了

第二天，那个妙龄女子又是深夜回家，走在路上又觉得有一个人跟着她，她想起了昨天那招，于是故技
重演，来到墓碑上坐下大声说道：“呼！终于到家了！”结果，那个人也在旁边一块碑坐下，惊喜地说
道：“啊！原来你是我邻居！”

妙龄女子一下子就逃了！

令女教師尷尬的問題18+

English Version available below.

女教師：“有三隻鳥在電線上，你用汽槍打下其中一隻，那電線上還有幾隻？”
彼得：“一隻都不剩。”

女教師：“為什麼？”
彼得：“因為另兩隻受到槍聲驚嚇飛走了。”

女教師：“從數學上來講，應該還剩兩隻。不過我很喜歡你的思路

彼得：“老師，我有一個問題想請教您。有三位女人在公園裏各買了一根冰棒，
有一位舔著吃，一位咬著吃，還有一位含著吃，您認為哪一位是已經結婚的？”

女教師想了想，紅著臉囁嚅道：“我想應該是含著吃的那位。”

彼得得意地說：“不對，是帶著結婚戒指的那位。不過我很喜歡您的思路。

Teacher : There was three bird on the tree, if i shoot one down, how many birds remain on tree?
Potter : "Zero"

Teacher : Why ?
Potter : Because the two more heard the gun shoot and fly away

Teacher : But on mathematics way there should remain 2 birds. But i like the way you thinking

Potter : I ask you another question, there way three girl on the park eating ice-cream, first was licking, second girl was biting, and the third one is SucKing. So you think which one is married?

Teacher : (think a while and shame) "I think is the one who sucking

Potter : ('berlagak' and say) "answer is the one who wearing a ring" But i do like the way you think !!

Translate by DiXoN

Notice : Who knows the meaning of 'berlagak' in English please leave a message on ShoutBox.
TQ. *I lazy to find dictionary.

Mobile phone traking !! *Ture

Hi, i found this web by searching over the net. This system can locate your handphone. This is real. I tried mine and it's works.

http://www.sat-gps-locate.com/english/index.html

(Many language and country available)

Stupid Question With Smart Answers !

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??


GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??


SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it"

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher"

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !

Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".


Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Answers when you get caught bringing sex cd to school

最菜的回答 : Soli lo...no next time...soli soli...
最拍马屁的回答Cikgu! saya tadi cari lu manyak lama ooo...mali sama-sama tengok!

最直接的回答 Lama tak tengok loo...hari ini mau syok syok punya...
最好学的回答 :Tadi cikgu ajar Bio di kelas saya tak faham ma...sekarang cari bahan rujuk tengok saja...

最可靠的回答 :Orang kata cetak rompak punya DVD semua kualiti manyak teruk...saya testing tengok...memang macam tahi!!

最无辜的回答 : Saya pun tak tau punya...saya ingat ini DVD belajar Bahasa Jepun punya....tengok dia nampak macam cikgu bahasa jepun ma..

最可耻的回答 :tadi makan di kantin, itu tauke kasi saya punya..katanya semalam dia dan isteri punya Special Edition wo...kawan saya ma...
最爽快的回答 :Aiyoo...lain hari saya pun perlu buat punya la...sekarang tengok dulu bagaimana buat ma...


最现代的回答 :Sekarang era globalisation loo...kena tengok orang Barat punya style sikit...baru boleh IN ma...

最NB的回答 Cikgu manyak OUT la...ini pun panggil DVD lucah a?? kelas 3 saja...besok saya bawa Kelas 5 punya kasi lu tengok..
最可笑的回答 : Saya buka kasi cikgu tengok punya......

最无知的回答 Cikgu...lu dan isteri lu tau guna style ini ka???
最吊的回答 ni hadiah Valentine daripada girlfren saya la...dia mau saya esok buat dengan dia...

最滑头的回答 : Tadi cikgu suruh kami tulis karangan "erasaan selepas menonton wayang lucah"...saya sedang buat homework...
最慈悲的回答 : saya nampak itu jual VCD punya uncle manyak kasihan...tarak bisnes...saya beli 5 keping tolong dia looo...

最聪明的回答 : Lu kasi saya satu alasan apasal saya tak boleh tengok dulu!!!
最精彩的回答 oo...rupa-rupanya make love macam ini punya oo...baru tau

"Keluarga Saya" UPSR Karangan

Like the karangan above? Support me by clicking the ads below!! TQ

Why laides must know to speak english?

*Essential !!

One day, an Ang Moh from USA arrived at KLIA Airport After he checked out from the customs, he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one. When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance. When he was about to enter the toilet, the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok"). The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA they have to "see the cock" before entering the toilet? So he said "no" but the lady insisted. Since he had no choice, he took out his cock and showed it to her. The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay), but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do it!" So he asked, "Now? Here?" The lady replied "Yes,?yes!" because she doesn't quite understand English.. The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him, so he stripped the lady and made love to her. The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay), and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!" He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck them. The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay). The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD? OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied. Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help, "TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!" The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."

Like the jokes above? Support me by clicking the ads below. TQ

Naughty Kid

Naughty Kid 頑皮的孩子

一個小男孩, 很喜歡玩棒球.常常對著牆壁丟球.
There's a kid that likes to play baseball, always throw the ball towards to the wall
有一天, 很不幸地, 不小心丟太高了,球越過了牆,
But he is unlucky in one day he throw the ball and hit the window
隨即傳來一聲玻璃破碎的聲音.
He heard a breaking glass sound.

這孩子嚇了一跳, 拔腿就跑. 跑沒幾步,
The kid scared and run, but stop running after few steps
又覺得那顆球太可惜了,還是得要回來.
He felt that the ball is too sayang, he wanted his ball back,
於是, 走到那戶人家的門口, 按了電鈴,
So, he went to the house and press the door bell
就看到一位婦人來開門,臉上滿是怒氣.
A aunt came out with full of angriness.
小孩子說: 很抱歉, 我不小心打破了你們的玻璃,
The kid said : Very sorry, i broke your window
我的父親是個玻璃工,
My dad knows how to fix it,
我馬上叫我父親來修理你們的玻璃,
I will call my dad to fix it now.
到時再麻煩您把球還給我.
Just remember to return my ball after that
婦人一聽,這孩子還滿有禮貌的,
The aunt agreed
又誠懇,怒氣已消了一大半了.
Not until a minute, the kid took a worker
不一會兒, 果然看到小男孩領著一位穿著工作服的人來.
said that he will fix her window
玻璃工很熟練地開始換上新玻璃.
the worker starts to fix the new window
婦人看到已經開始換玻璃了,
the aunt saw it and returned the ball
就拿出那顆棒球給那男孩子.
to the kid

男孩子興高采烈地又跑又跳,
The kid run away
一回就不見人影了.
玻璃工修好了玻璃, 對那婦人說: 一千五百塊.
After that, the worker says RM 1050 please..
婦人一驚,問:你不是那孩子的父親嗎'
The aunt asked isn't you are the kid's father?
玻璃工說: 你不是那孩子的母親嗎'
The worker asked isn't you are the kid's mom ?

Translate by DiXoN, support me by clicking the ads below.

公主洗澡 (18+)

從前，有個國家的公主，每天中午會帶她的女近衛隊將海邊封鎖，然後洗澡。

有個年輕的小伙子，想到了一個辦法，在公主來海邊前，將全身脫光光埋入沙灘中。

公主的女近衛隊例行檢查后，發現沒人，公主便在海中洗澡。
洗完澡上岸后，她發現沙灘中冒出了一個小蘑菇。

公主好奇的對這個蘑菇又搖又摸，結果這個蘑菇越變越大，公主感到很開心 ，就更加賣力的觸摸。

公主又想不知這蘑菇是什麽味道的，於是伸出舌頭舔了幾下，結果這蘑菇竟然噴出了汁入射了公主的嘴裏，然後消失了。

公主把在嘴裏汁舔了幾下吞下，覺的味道還不錯，便高興的帶女近衛隊囘宮。

小伙子從沙灘跳出來後，感到很興奮，便到街市中大事宣揚，讓不少男人羡慕不已。

第二天，公主洗完澡上岸后，發現遍地是蘑菇，很開心的把她女近衛隊們叫過來，

大聲吩咐：“妳們快把這些蘑菇切下來帶回宮”。。。。。。。

I'm not translating this because it's 18++ so.. only for those who know to read chinese..

What is FUCK ? ~Don't misunderstand!

FUCK is...

Father
Use
Chinise
Kongfu

Hehe~~

洗澡別偷唱歌 Don't sing at the bathroom

有兩個同學(都是女生)有一次一起出去外面玩，由於行程必須過夜，於是她倆決定一起睡雙人房。
其中一個女生唱歌非常好聽，所以另一個女生總不敢在她面前唱歌，怕自卑，
是因樗?緛砭捅容^害羞。
那晚，她真的好想唱歌，可是又不想給她室友聽到，怕被笑，於是想：「那我在洗澡的時候偷偷唱，就沒人知道了！」
她趁蓮蓬頭流水很大聲的時候，小小聲的自己偷偷唱歌，覺得很快樂地從浴室出
，結果她室友表情非常緊張得問她：「妳剛剛有沒有唱歌？」
她心想：這怎麼能承認呢？於是矢口否認....

室友：「我跟你說喔！這房間不乾淨咧！剛剛你在洗澡的時候，我聽到鬼在哭的聲音耶.....」

I will translate this into English soon.

16岁的少女怀孕后

16岁的少女怀孕后

一个16岁的女孩跟她母亲说她已经2个月没来了……

　　母亲一听不得了赶紧去药房买了验孕剂来确认一下……

　　结果女孩真的怀孕了！

　　母亲又哭又骂的问到：“到底是那个浑蛋干的好事，你给我从实招来！！”

　　女孩只好打了通电话……

　　半小时后，一部全新的法拉利跑车疾驶到了女孩家门，而跨出车门的是位全身名牌衣着又风度翩翩的中年绅士。

　　绅士进入屋内与女孩及她的父母双亲在客厅坐了下来。

　　“午安！”绅士礼貌的向她们问候并说道：“令媛刚刚告知了我这个大问题，但是因为我的个人家庭问题，很抱歉我无法娶令媛为妻，不过我会负该负的责任！”

　　“这样好了，如果生的是女孩，我会留3家店面，2间房子，1栋海边别墅及一个200万美金的帐户给她。”

　　“如果生的是男孩，我会让他继承2家公司再加上一个200万美金的帐户。”

　　“如果生的是双胞胎，那就每人继承1家公司还有各100万美金的帐户。”

　　“但如果不幸流产了……”

　　此时在一旁沉默已久的父亲，突然站起来，并把手紧紧的搭在绅士的肩上后说：“没关系，到时你还可以再让她怀孕一次！！”

只怪老爸当时……

从前有对穷苦的夫妇，因家里真的太穷了，所以不敢生小孩。

有天丈夫去城里办事，顺道去了药房，就向药房老板买保险套，他就问：这个黑色的要多少钱？

老板回答：这要一毛钱。

他又看到一个白色的，就问老板：那这个呢？

老板看他好象没什么钱就随便说：这个品质比较好，要三毛钱。

他盘算半天，因为实在没钱，只好买了个黑的。

等他回到家，看到一个黑人邮差急忙的由他家出来，他想可能是要赶去送信，就不以为意。

　　但过不久他老婆生下了一个男孩。等小孩慢慢长大后，有天哭着回家跟老爸说同学都笑他黑，他老爸就很语重心长的告诉他： 孩子！只怪老爸当时少了两毛钱！

真是有水準的１８禁笑話.....

小明七歲時就會用竹筒來" 打手槍".

有一天他老爸發現他有這壞習慣，就決定要好好地教訓他.


於是，一天，小明不在家時，他老爸就抓了一隻蜈蚣放入竹筒內....

今日，小明又拿那竹筒來"打手槍".
當他把他那玩意兒放進去之後，他感到疼痛.
於是，他就抽出他"小弟弟".
結果發現一隻大蜈蚣在筒裡，此時他嚇呆了.
從此他不再手淫了，時間一過就是十幾年.
由於小明的老爸急著抱孫子，就幫他物色老婆.
當小明結婚後的第二年，也沒生半個.


他老爸又開始煩了，他老爸心想:"我兒子七歲會就會手淫，
一定知道該如何做呀.難到是我媳婦有問題?"

老爸對媳婦道:
日出東方一點紅
朝朝洗臉見芙蓉
遲遲未見結生果
枉廢我兒下盡工

媳婦愁眉苦臉地道:
田是好水田
旱了好幾年
季季不下種
那有好時年?



此時老爸很生氣，馬上跑去要罵他兒子，且想問他未何沒跟他老婆做愛做的事.

兒子回答:
還記幼時入竹筒
忽見洞裡有蜈蚣
如今洞邊叢草生
必有蟒蛇在其中